No longer will I serve two masters
When I can only please one
No longer will I serve two masters
For the rest of my life I'll just serve one
For God, my rock requires me to do His will and His alone
God wants me to serve Him
Bow down before His holy throne
He wants me to serve Him and leave the rest behind
Forget my past, it's gone at last, I cannot press rewind
God told me that my spirit would cease to be at rest
If I chose to serve two masters, when i knew which one was best
Lord take away the desire
Lord let me hear your voice
For when you speak, my heart must listen and I'm left with just one choice
I must be obedient and do the things you say
For it's You and You alone that grants me brand new mercies each and every day
I'll only serve one master
I'll forsake what others say I should do
I'll only serve one master
Today, Lord I choose you
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
God is Trying to Get You in Shape
Okay...soooo I'm special and forgot to post this...If you have already read "It Has to Rain" this is the first part that I mention...It's loooong, but hopefully worth the read.....Written 5-14-2008
This morning was a typical morning. I dropped my baby off at daycare and drove home. Only this time I decided that I wanted to run brays bayou. You see for the past couple of months that I have lived on the bayou, I have been telling myself "I'm gonna get in shape, I'm gonna start running, I'm gonna run from Fondren to Chimney Rock" (I had high hopes ;-) I mean how hard could it be? I drive down this street everyday and I see this trail everyday, so how hard can it really be? I had been putting off getting in shape since November (it's now May) so you can imagine what I was about to get myself into...Well, while driving down this familiar road, I began to look at the signal lights as my guide. Start at Fondren, get to Hilcroft, then eventually to Chimney Rock, so I had already planned my trip although I had never set foot on this trail. When I arrived home, I put on my tennis shoes and set out on my journey. As I was walking to my starting point, I began to pray. I prayed that God would speak to me on this run, I prayed for a friend that lost her mother, I prayed for my family, but what I didn't pray for was getting ready to run down this familiar street on this unfamiliar trail. Now like me you have probably been in this situation before saying "I'm gonna get in shape"or "I'm gonna go on a diet", but once we start the end seems so far away that eventually we just tend to give up. This run, it started out okay, I mean I was on a familiar road, just an unfamiliar trail....So as I began running along this familiar road, yet unfamiliar trail, the trail began to twist and turn. I wasn't prepared for this, but nevertheless, I kept running. It didn't take long for me to realize that I was getting tired. I started to get a horrible cramp on my right side, my breathing was getting erratic, yet I hadn't even made it to the FIRST signal light. I kept telling myself "keep pushing, it's the only way you're gonna get in shape" There were some other people on this trail this morning: some bikers, walkers, other runners. As each one passed, I tried my best to either wave or smile all the while in pain, out of breath, and still trying to make it to that FIRST signal light. When I FINALLY go to the first light, I was extremely tired, but I still had such a long way to go. "Man I am really outta shape" I told myself, but I didn't want to stop and walk, so I ran a little bit longer all the while thinking to myself "Lord, I'm hungry thirsty and I don't think I can go on anymore" Finally, I made it to the second light-Hilcroft-yall by this time, this trail had twisted, turned, went up and down, pretty much beating me to the ground. My side cramp was killing me, my breathing by this point had turned into a heaving, asthmatic sounding pant and at this point I decided that I was just going to stop at the next light because Chimney Rock was just too far away. So, I looked up at the next light which I thought was some random side street that you pass before Chimney Rock, put my head down and dug just a little deeper. But upon lifting my head something truly surprised me. I began to see familiar landmarks, landmarks you only see as you approach Chimney Rock. I had already passed the random light that I had decided would be my stopping point. The light I saw in the distance had been Chimney Rock all along. When I realized how close I was, my stride got longer, my breathing slowed, my side stitch slowly relaxed and I began to experience what most know as the "runner's high" That's when your body begins to release endorphins that block the pain receptors and allow you to go on a little longer. Watch how God works...You see I started off on this familiar road on this unfamiliar trail not the least bit in shape, with no food on my stomach, and the end not in sight, but God...He saw the end and he knew what was ahead. You see our walk with God is alot like this journey I took this morning. We begin to walk with Him, but as soon as things get too hard, we get too tired, or we cant see the end we try to compromise our goal and turn around. We fail to see that those are the times that God is trying to get us in shape. A little tid bit about getting into shape is that it's hard when you first begin. Your muscles may get sore, you get that cramp in your side, and you might not make it all the way, but if you just keep going....your muscles wont hurt as much, that side cramp will go away, and eventually you will make it all the way. Keep running with God; He is trying to get you in shape. The best lesson that I learned from this was that God knows that we don't always see the potential within ourselves to make it to the end. He sees our defeatist, compromising attitudes that tells us "I'm too tired, I'll just stop at the next light and turn around and go home", and that is when He gives us that boost to continue the journey. If you missed it earlier, I mentioned that I had made it up in my mind to stop at a light before Chimney Rock, turn around and go home, but God had already taken me passed the point at which I had prepared to quit, and had seen me to the end. When I looked up and realized I had passed my mental stopping point it was as if God spoke clearly ans said "In times you don't see the end and you want to give up and quit, I will push you through whatever it is that you claim to be your stopping point, you see my child, you wanted to quit, turn around and go home, but right before you did you realized that you had already passed your stopping point, passed the test " Sometimes God has to give us that extra push, so that we don't turn back to our old ways, and out of shape habits. Just keep running with Him. Keep running with Him when you can't see the end because He is the author and finisher-He knows every twist and turn you are about to face. He knows when you want to give up and throw in the towel, but He also knows how to push you past your stopping point, so you pass tests you never thought possible.
Keep running with God when you can't see the end!
Keep running with God when you are working extra hours for less than extra pay. He's getting you in shape for that promotion. Keep running with God when you lose a friendship or relationship. Keep running with God when your child claims he/she hates you because you have to chastise him/her. That chastisement may be the very thing that keeps them out of jail or in an early grave. Keep running with God.. Keep running with God when you are doing something totally different than what that degree you worked so hard for says you should be doing-God is going to use what you are doing now to get you in shape for what He has planned for you later. I mentioned starting this run without food/nourishment, big mistake, we need food to keep us going. Let your food be the word of God. Allow God's word to fill you up. Let it speak life into dry situations, so you no longer thirst. Let it be your energy drink or energy bar you need for life's journey. It's time to get in shape! Not only is it time to get in shape, but it's time to make a commitment to run with God everyday and not just when we feel like it. It's not going to get easier if we keep putting it off. I'm not saying that you'll be able to run a marathon within a weeks time, but the more we run with God the easier the trail gets, the better our breathing becomes, the side cramp goes away, and we can run the trail three or four times without a problem. He's got to get you us in shape! The getting in shape process is difficult but well worth it. You must start eating right-the word of God. You must start praying harder-more prayer more power....You've got to make it a daily commitment. It may hurt at first, but it will be better in the end. Finally, you've got to see the end even if you don't see it. That is what we know as faith. We will never get anywhere with God if we don't have faith and realize that although we can't see the end it's there. Visualize your walk with God and allow yourself to see the finish line because then it wont matter how unfamiliar the trail you will be able to rest in the knowledge that God is with you and will see you through. He will push you forward to the end which you cannot see even when you are dying to turn back. Keep running with God....We must also remember that on our trail there will be some walkers, bikers, faster and slower runners, but we can't imitate them. Every one's walk with God is not the same, some people are in different places in their process of getting in shape. If you have to start off walking that is fine, but eventually you will find yourself running with some of the faster runners if you continue to allow God to get you in shape. Keep running with Him!! Be Blessed, M
This morning was a typical morning. I dropped my baby off at daycare and drove home. Only this time I decided that I wanted to run brays bayou. You see for the past couple of months that I have lived on the bayou, I have been telling myself "I'm gonna get in shape, I'm gonna start running, I'm gonna run from Fondren to Chimney Rock" (I had high hopes ;-) I mean how hard could it be? I drive down this street everyday and I see this trail everyday, so how hard can it really be? I had been putting off getting in shape since November (it's now May) so you can imagine what I was about to get myself into...Well, while driving down this familiar road, I began to look at the signal lights as my guide. Start at Fondren, get to Hilcroft, then eventually to Chimney Rock, so I had already planned my trip although I had never set foot on this trail. When I arrived home, I put on my tennis shoes and set out on my journey. As I was walking to my starting point, I began to pray. I prayed that God would speak to me on this run, I prayed for a friend that lost her mother, I prayed for my family, but what I didn't pray for was getting ready to run down this familiar street on this unfamiliar trail. Now like me you have probably been in this situation before saying "I'm gonna get in shape"or "I'm gonna go on a diet", but once we start the end seems so far away that eventually we just tend to give up. This run, it started out okay, I mean I was on a familiar road, just an unfamiliar trail....So as I began running along this familiar road, yet unfamiliar trail, the trail began to twist and turn. I wasn't prepared for this, but nevertheless, I kept running. It didn't take long for me to realize that I was getting tired. I started to get a horrible cramp on my right side, my breathing was getting erratic, yet I hadn't even made it to the FIRST signal light. I kept telling myself "keep pushing, it's the only way you're gonna get in shape" There were some other people on this trail this morning: some bikers, walkers, other runners. As each one passed, I tried my best to either wave or smile all the while in pain, out of breath, and still trying to make it to that FIRST signal light. When I FINALLY go to the first light, I was extremely tired, but I still had such a long way to go. "Man I am really outta shape" I told myself, but I didn't want to stop and walk, so I ran a little bit longer all the while thinking to myself "Lord, I'm hungry thirsty and I don't think I can go on anymore" Finally, I made it to the second light-Hilcroft-yall by this time, this trail had twisted, turned, went up and down, pretty much beating me to the ground. My side cramp was killing me, my breathing by this point had turned into a heaving, asthmatic sounding pant and at this point I decided that I was just going to stop at the next light because Chimney Rock was just too far away. So, I looked up at the next light which I thought was some random side street that you pass before Chimney Rock, put my head down and dug just a little deeper. But upon lifting my head something truly surprised me. I began to see familiar landmarks, landmarks you only see as you approach Chimney Rock. I had already passed the random light that I had decided would be my stopping point. The light I saw in the distance had been Chimney Rock all along. When I realized how close I was, my stride got longer, my breathing slowed, my side stitch slowly relaxed and I began to experience what most know as the "runner's high" That's when your body begins to release endorphins that block the pain receptors and allow you to go on a little longer. Watch how God works...You see I started off on this familiar road on this unfamiliar trail not the least bit in shape, with no food on my stomach, and the end not in sight, but God...He saw the end and he knew what was ahead. You see our walk with God is alot like this journey I took this morning. We begin to walk with Him, but as soon as things get too hard, we get too tired, or we cant see the end we try to compromise our goal and turn around. We fail to see that those are the times that God is trying to get us in shape. A little tid bit about getting into shape is that it's hard when you first begin. Your muscles may get sore, you get that cramp in your side, and you might not make it all the way, but if you just keep going....your muscles wont hurt as much, that side cramp will go away, and eventually you will make it all the way. Keep running with God; He is trying to get you in shape. The best lesson that I learned from this was that God knows that we don't always see the potential within ourselves to make it to the end. He sees our defeatist, compromising attitudes that tells us "I'm too tired, I'll just stop at the next light and turn around and go home", and that is when He gives us that boost to continue the journey. If you missed it earlier, I mentioned that I had made it up in my mind to stop at a light before Chimney Rock, turn around and go home, but God had already taken me passed the point at which I had prepared to quit, and had seen me to the end. When I looked up and realized I had passed my mental stopping point it was as if God spoke clearly ans said "In times you don't see the end and you want to give up and quit, I will push you through whatever it is that you claim to be your stopping point, you see my child, you wanted to quit, turn around and go home, but right before you did you realized that you had already passed your stopping point, passed the test " Sometimes God has to give us that extra push, so that we don't turn back to our old ways, and out of shape habits. Just keep running with Him. Keep running with Him when you can't see the end because He is the author and finisher-He knows every twist and turn you are about to face. He knows when you want to give up and throw in the towel, but He also knows how to push you past your stopping point, so you pass tests you never thought possible.
Keep running with God when you can't see the end!
Keep running with God when you are working extra hours for less than extra pay. He's getting you in shape for that promotion. Keep running with God when you lose a friendship or relationship. Keep running with God when your child claims he/she hates you because you have to chastise him/her. That chastisement may be the very thing that keeps them out of jail or in an early grave. Keep running with God.. Keep running with God when you are doing something totally different than what that degree you worked so hard for says you should be doing-God is going to use what you are doing now to get you in shape for what He has planned for you later. I mentioned starting this run without food/nourishment, big mistake, we need food to keep us going. Let your food be the word of God. Allow God's word to fill you up. Let it speak life into dry situations, so you no longer thirst. Let it be your energy drink or energy bar you need for life's journey. It's time to get in shape! Not only is it time to get in shape, but it's time to make a commitment to run with God everyday and not just when we feel like it. It's not going to get easier if we keep putting it off. I'm not saying that you'll be able to run a marathon within a weeks time, but the more we run with God the easier the trail gets, the better our breathing becomes, the side cramp goes away, and we can run the trail three or four times without a problem. He's got to get you us in shape! The getting in shape process is difficult but well worth it. You must start eating right-the word of God. You must start praying harder-more prayer more power....You've got to make it a daily commitment. It may hurt at first, but it will be better in the end. Finally, you've got to see the end even if you don't see it. That is what we know as faith. We will never get anywhere with God if we don't have faith and realize that although we can't see the end it's there. Visualize your walk with God and allow yourself to see the finish line because then it wont matter how unfamiliar the trail you will be able to rest in the knowledge that God is with you and will see you through. He will push you forward to the end which you cannot see even when you are dying to turn back. Keep running with God....We must also remember that on our trail there will be some walkers, bikers, faster and slower runners, but we can't imitate them. Every one's walk with God is not the same, some people are in different places in their process of getting in shape. If you have to start off walking that is fine, but eventually you will find yourself running with some of the faster runners if you continue to allow God to get you in shape. Keep running with Him!! Be Blessed, M
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Why Do I Write.....
Writing
Writing is my giftMy release
My solace
My release
An unequivocal expression of what you cannot see
A profound look inside my mind, my soul, my innermost self
Writing is my gift
My release
My solace
My peace
I Am
This piece was inspired by the movie For Colored Girls and the young women I have become a mentor to who I am going to refer to as the HEARTS of Hartman.....
I am the girl next door, I am the girl who wants more, the girl that has tried and tried- the girl consumed with pain she tries to hide, by letting u inside
inside this vessel that was meant for more than the warmth ofur
You see I am much more than the girl u see, I am the epitomy of captivity
I am a prisoner held capive by my own mind.
I have let the dust from this world rust the girl God made me to be.
Hiding behind my own insecurities, giving u the sweetness that's me
without a second thought of what it could cost... Not seeing all that I've already lost.
I am so much more-but who I am is hidden behind a locked door.
I've put up this wall, to shield me from reality, but all it's really done is become a falsity...
But somehow I know that I am more than what's between my thighs- from the mire of the earth I must rise and realize who I am and who God meant for me to be
I am not a rug to be walked on or a towel to be continuously used until the fibers begin to unravel
I am a gem, a queen, a sista with dreams
I am the girl who wants the world
I am just lost and confused, I have been constantly abused and misused
I am reaching out for you
Will you reach back or leave me as I am
I Am
inside this vessel that was meant for more than the warmth of
You see I am much more than the girl u see, I am the epitomy of captivity
I am a prisoner held capive by my own mind.
I have let the dust from this world rust the girl God made me to be.
Hiding behind my own insecurities, giving u the sweetness that's me
without a second thought of what it could cost... Not seeing all that I've already lost.
I am so much more-but who I am is hidden behind a locked door.
I've put up this wall, to shield me from reality, but all it's really done is become a falsity...
But somehow I know that I am more than what's between my thighs- from the mire of the earth I must rise and realize who I am and who God meant for me to be
I am not a rug to be walked on or a towel to be continuously used until the fibers begin to unravel
I am a gem, a queen, a sista with dreams
I am the girl who wants the world
I am just lost and confused, I have been constantly abused and misused
I am reaching out for you
Will you reach back or leave me as I am
My Life is My Testimony
My Life is My Testimony
Let me take a minute to break it down chop it up and spin it
see u think u know my life, but stop lookin around for the truth and ask the one livin it... so many people are scared to take control and let their minds unfold /wont allow people see their testimonies which they keep buried within their souls...but I'm not gonna hold my tongue/ let me shoot my gun because its not just my business/ get this ima let u in it cause if I don't I'm not handling the kingdom business...you look at me u see glam, glitz, bling, a happy family, but let me let u in on what you didn't see...let me take u back to a time/ press rewind on my life that has been playin for sometime...you see it didn't start out this way I had some struggles and pain that brought me to this day...let's see where do we start? With my parents that let me down or with the guys that broke my heart?? Let's start from the beginning/ find u a chair to sit in cause this right here is real....Ima start with the parents who didn't know themselves and didn't care for us/Us meaning my sister and me...drugs and alcohol seemed to always infiltrate our lives taking away the ones closest to us...my grandmother tried but after she died everything seemed to fall apart. My cousins they did their best to push us through the test but God hadn't even gotten started yet...moving on through life trying not to give in to the strife/ I succeed, fly high, but still struggle to get by. High school-Worked a full time job to pay my way through volleyball camp not seeing the problem that I had on my left...To the left to the left that's what I should have said to the first guy to break my heart...funny thing is that he did more than that..he took my courage, my will to live, my happiness, but yet and still I allowed him. I didn't trust God to bring me out but today I can look back and shout...bruises in places only I could see, bite marks, mental abuse, tears from when he spit on me...but I didn't trust God to see me through...so many nights I cried asking Him why while my friends they stood helpless on the side..look at me.. When would enough be enough? I can only cry so many times/ I'm dying inside-but no time to cry/ time to dry my eyes because from this union a beautiful child has arrived and he needs me. He needs me to show him what my parents didn't show me/ but don't get it twisted I forgive them totally because they succeeded in making me strong no mater how wrong. The days continue on, but the once feeble me begins to become strong, yet its funny because truthfully I was strong all along just couldn't see it with the blinders I had on. As I continued to listen to God's word I decided to step out on faith and do the unthinkable..it was either that or seal my fate...once I did I found out that God didn't lie...He says that if you trust Me I will direct your paths and He did just that. He guided me from a path of unrighteousness to a life of blessedness...you see I was bruised and battered, but Not forsaken- cast down, but not destroyed, I stand here as a witness of God's faithfulness...Look at me..now do you know me? I look at my now husband whom I never would've met had I not been able to do what the song says which is "Let go and let God" God is..great God is good...I look at my left hand and there sits a beautiful ring that symbolizes that God is able..He is able to turn your messing into blessings-able to give you enough rest to pass your test/and able to give you enough faith to run your race...And before I let you go I wanna let you know that this child inside my womb is a blessing and isn't doomed..My child our child is a blessing from above/ one which I could've missed hanging on to that so called "love" Ha love that kept trying to take my life...Devil you should've killed me when you had the chance because now I'm stronger, I'm wiser and I'm doing the will of God like I've never done it before..sharing my story, moving forward, taking back all that has been taken away...Look at me what do you see?-Cause u see my life yall-it's my testimony
NO MORE!!
I wrote this in Feb 2009 for a class at Texas
Sometimes you just have to get to the point where you say
"NO MORE!"
My heart is black, my spirit is drained
It's been three years now and it's still the same
The threats get even more real, my bruises have no time to
heal
More of them seem to come, Lord what's going to happen to
me? What have I done?
I'm tired of hiding behind this fake smile,
My friends see right through me, but don't let it show is
my style.
School, home, school, home is all that I do...
School is my refuge, It's where I feel free
But I think even here he can still harm me.
I'm tired you see, I've lost the fight,
I'd go to bed at night praying "Lord please take my life"
But He didn't...
My friends are all tired, They seem not to understand
Why I let myself suffer at the hands of this man...But do
they know I'm afraid??
Afraid of losing my comfort and my security,
Afraid of doing things on my own, I need him here with
me..
Or so I thought....
It wasn't so bad at first, At first I'd only get slapped
But then it progressed to him choking me, to the point once
I almost passed out
Even when I was pregnant, I didn't get a break, He'd still
curse me out, and his favorite was to spit in my face.
You sit there astonished and even outraged, but this was my
life, you don't have to live this way..
But neither did I...
It got to the point the pain I could no longer hide
My crying on the inside began to pour outside.
No more could I live in fear of losing my life,
No more would I allow him to not treat me right.
It took some years, okay try four
Before I realized I didn't want to live this way anymore
No more of the cursing, the kicking, the spitting in my
face,
No more late night rides down 290, down roads that seemed
out of place.
No more forgetting who I was in Christ
No more trying or wanting to take my own life.
I thank God for the friends that saw me through.
I still hurt for the pain and anguish I put them through,
But they look at me now, they see me so much stronger than
before
Please do me a favor if it is you, be strong take NO
MORE!!
Many times I probably should have and could have died,
But by God's grace and mercy I'm still alive.
He put a new song in my mouth, A new praise on my lips...
It's still hard to do, but with God I can do this...
I can stand in front of you and tell you my story,
So you can help yourself or a loved one who may seem to
worry.
Worrying that they can never make it out..
It' not an overnight process, but it can be done without a
doubt.
If this person is not you, but is your friend, keep
encouraging them until they reach the end.
Believe in your heart that they want out,
Wait until they feel it deep in their core
because one day they too will stand and say NO MORE..
....I'd like to give you all a glimpse of my life and a small portion of my testimony. I will first begin by saying NEVER say what will happen to you or what you'd never do because you truly never know. I was 16 when we met and 17 when I moved in with him and he proposed. Not a day in my life did I think that he would ever harm me. He bought me everything that I wanted and did everything that I asked, until he realized our lives were about to take separate paths. August 2004 I was to leave for college on a volleyball scholarship, but in July 2004 he lost his job. He begged me to stay I refused, and that's when it began....
"NO MORE"
Sometimes you just have to get to the point where you say
"NO MORE!"
My heart is black, my spirit is drained
It's been three years now and it's still the same
The threats get even more real, my bruises have no time to
heal
More of them seem to come, Lord what's going to happen to
me? What have I done?
I'm tired of hiding behind this fake smile,
My friends see right through me, but don't let it show is
my style.
School, home, school, home is all that I do...
School is my refuge, It's where I feel free
But I think even here he can still harm me.
I'm tired you see, I've lost the fight,
I'd go to bed at night praying "Lord please take my life"
But He didn't...
My friends are all tired, They seem not to understand
Why I let myself suffer at the hands of this man...But do
they know I'm afraid??
Afraid of losing my comfort and my security,
Afraid of doing things on my own, I need him here with
me..
Or so I thought....
It wasn't so bad at first, At first I'd only get slapped
But then it progressed to him choking me, to the point once
I almost passed out
Even when I was pregnant, I didn't get a break, He'd still
curse me out, and his favorite was to spit in my face.
You sit there astonished and even outraged, but this was my
life, you don't have to live this way..
But neither did I...
It got to the point the pain I could no longer hide
My crying on the inside began to pour outside.
No more could I live in fear of losing my life,
No more would I allow him to not treat me right.
It took some years, okay try four
Before I realized I didn't want to live this way anymore
No more of the cursing, the kicking, the spitting in my
face,
No more late night rides down 290, down roads that seemed
out of place.
No more forgetting who I was in Christ
No more trying or wanting to take my own life.
I thank God for the friends that saw me through.
I still hurt for the pain and anguish I put them through,
But they look at me now, they see me so much stronger than
before
Please do me a favor if it is you, be strong take NO
MORE!!
Many times I probably should have and could have died,
But by God's grace and mercy I'm still alive.
He put a new song in my mouth, A new praise on my lips...
It's still hard to do, but with God I can do this...
I can stand in front of you and tell you my story,
So you can help yourself or a loved one who may seem to
worry.
Worrying that they can never make it out..
It' not an overnight process, but it can be done without a
doubt.
If this person is not you, but is your friend, keep
encouraging them until they reach the end.
Believe in your heart that they want out,
Wait until they feel it deep in their core
because one day they too will stand and say NO MORE..
God is
Another 2008
God is....
Wow, today was in interesting day. Church was wonderful. I thought I was going to miss second service because of a staff meeting at work, but I managed to leave the staff meeting early drive 90 down the freeway(praise God for no ticket or accident, or running out of gas cause I was on E), and I made it back. I guess you never really know how much junk you’re carrying until it finally builds up and forces it’s way out. Normally I hold it together pretty well in church, but today I had to let some stuff out, and I found myself in the hallway, can’t tell the details, but afterwards I felt so relieved, and so drained all at the same time. Then after church my I was trying to run from life and my knees buckled on the stairs I guess I hadn’t given it all to Him. For those of you that don’t know God is and has been doing so many wonderful things in my life. He is blessing me, and showing me things that I would have never thought possible. I still have rough days, and I find myself exhausted every now and again, but just thinking of everything that He has done for me, all the things He’s brought me through, and all of the times He spared my life, just makes my soul happy. I don’t have too many bad days anymore. I get down sometimes, but the sadness doesn’t last long like the word says, weeping endures for a night, but joy cometh in the morning, and it does. Everyday we wake up we should praise God. Praise Him for giving us another chance, praise Him for giving us another opportunity to bless the lives of someone else or be blessed. After church I opened my Bible to a particular passage it read "God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; He does great things beyond our understanding" Now that to me is such a blessing because when I don’t know what is going on I have the assurance that God does. I read another scripture and it brought so much joy to my heart. It is a scripture about praying for others. How often do you really pray for others? I mean really pray with your whole heart. Not just Lord bless them but asking specifically for their needs. I know we don’t know all of their needs, but God does. This particular scripture which I will share is found in the book of Job. At this time Job and his three friends Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar sit for seven days and seven nights at first not saying a word because they knew and saw how much pain he was in. Then they begin to speak his friends questioning the awe of God....what? This goes on throughout the book until the end where the Lord speaks. I love it how He just put everything in perspective basically telling them "Why are you speaking of things which you know nothing about?" Ch 38 vs 1 is great it reads "Where were you when I laid earth’s foundation? Tell me if you understand. Who marked off it’s dimensions surely you know" Talking about a charge up from God. Think about your life how had God had to charge you up at times for thinking that you know everything...that’s not the best part though. Job repents for speaking of the things that in Ch 42 vs 3 he says are too wonderful for me to know, and the Lord forgives him. I wish I had time to really deal with this because it is so deep! Don’t miss this next part it’s great. After Job is chastised, put in his place, and repents the Lord tells him to pray for his friends who have not repented or deemed themselves as worthless before the Lord. He tells them that Job is going to pray for them and that He will accept Job’s prayer and not deal with them according to their folly. Not their prayers, but JOB’s prayer...He didn’t want their worthless prayers. Worthless because they wouldn't repent before Him. WOW!! I thank God for intercession. I wonder how many times has someone else has had to pray for me in order for God not to deal with me how He rightfully should and could have? We must stop underestimating the power of prayer. The Bible tells us to pray for one another. Not only pray for one another, but to confess our sins to one another as well. When we pray for someone we should not take it lightly. It could be our prayers that release them from bondage, or free them from depression, or touch a place where no one but God knows needs touching, and we can do all these things by the power of the Holy Spirit if and when we pray whole heartedly asking God to decrease us so that He might increase and show himself through our prayers for our friends and loved ones, and even strangers. Okay I think that’s all. I know it was alot I hope I didn’t lose you, just had alot on my heart...til we meet again...God Bless
Why Are You Mad?
Why are you mad?
You look at me nose turned up, as if I did something to you, stop acting so tough!
Why are you mad?
I walk by,
you try not to speak,
but I speak anyway,
I know my kindness makes you weak. Why are you mad?
My goals, and dreams all seemed busted at the seams,
but they were sewn back together by my God who reigns supreme, and now you’re mad? I’m confused
Why are you so mad? Mad at the world for all of your problems, take a minute step back, realize only you can solve them. I had to do that very same thing, and that when I found myself calling His name..Jesus, so again why are you mad?
What gives you the right to talk behind my back and smile in my face?
Step out of yourself long enough to share with me His grace.
He doesn’t just do these things for me, He’d do them for you too if you just believe.
Favor is such a wonderful blessing from the Son, But you can’t enjoy it if you’re always mad at everyone.
I don’t hate you nor am I upset. I just get down on my knees and let God do the rest.
No longer will you bring me down with your destructive words or dismal moods, I’m living the blessed life, and you could be too.
Stop being so mad at me that God is keeping His word, it should excite you to know that when you’re faithful, you’ll get what you deserve
Blessings in Disguise
2008-
I was driving to work the other day and it occurred to me that often times our blessing are so close to us, but we are in such a hurry to get them that we rush and try to get to them before it is our time. The bible says "They that wait upon the Lord.." not They that try to beat Him to His work..
So I was driving and I look in my rear view mirror and this guy was so close to me that I couldn't even see his bumper. I mean I figured he was in a hurry, so I switched lanes to let him finish his trail blaze down the highway only to look back moments later and see him stuck behind another vehicle while I was steadily making my way down the highway. I know this is a short story, but there are so many life lessons in this. 1. Stop being so in a hurry to get to where you want to be. Stop and slow down and let God lead you to the place He wants you to be. 2. If you ever find yourself "stuck behind traffic" re-evaluate your life and see what you were "tailing or chasing" instead of being patient because now what was right in front of you God moved until He decides that you are worthy and ready to receive it. 3.When it seems like you are in a hurry and God puts "traffic" in your way He does it for a reason. God blocks so many things that we think we want and need. Look back on your life and notice how many times you were stuck behind slow moving traffic...If you had gotten where you wanted to be instead of letting God block somethings where do you think you would be now?
Living the Blessed Life
Again from 2008-
I was bored at work one day, so I wrote this.....it's untitled at the moment....
When my heart os overwhelmed, I just look up to the sky, To the place I long to tarry, with my God who sits on high.
Some days I get discouraged just thinking of the tasks ahead, but I know my God has gone before me, He knows all that I must face, He's supplied me with all I need, Abundant mercy and sweet grace.
I've made mistakes, more than a few, by my God has always been there to pick me up and see me through.
When my heart is filled with pain, grief, or shame I know what to do, I get down on my knees and cry Jesus can you hear me I need you.
I need you now more than ever I have so much I need to do, I feel so lost and so confused, bogged down by life and internal issues, yet I'm so close to the end. God I've fought so hard to get to this place, please give me the strength to finish this race.
When I finished that prayer it was if he immediately answered. "My child, My child do not despair, Just hold on stay strong you are almost there. I haven't given you anything that you cannot face, so far you are actually still in first place in this race. I know that you need me I listen to your prayers, you must realize that you are strong, and realize I wouldn't have chose to use you if I didn't know your worth. I've given you alot to handle, but you are passing each and every test, my child juyst keep doing your best, and I will take care of the rest"
After hearing that I stopped, smiled, and gave myself a pat on the back. I remembered I'm still living the blessed life, and what is greater than that?
Weeds
Weeds-another old blog from 2008
I had the best conversation with one of my dearest friends today. We talked about so many things, but one of the topics we discussed was the fact that we as individuals have to go through a 'weeding process.' In this particular process God begins to sort out things and people that do not need to be in your life or anywhere near you. He begins to reveal to you people that are out to hurt you or destroy your emotional and spiritual well-being. We all have weeds in our lives, but it is up to us to use the discernment God gives us to kill them before they kill us. How can they kill us you may ask? Well the definition of a weed is a plant that is considered by the user of the term to be a nuisance, and normally applied to unwanted plants in human-made settings such as gardens, lawns or agricultural areas, but also in parks, woods and other natural areas.Weeds may be unwanted because they are unsightly, or they limit the growth of other plants by blocking light or using up nutrients from the soil. They also can harbor and spread plant pathogens that can infect and degrade the quality of crop or horticultural plants. That is the working definition of a weed, but what are the weeds in our lives. The key things about weeds are that they are unsightly, they limit the growth of other plants, and they block the light and use up nutrients from the soil. The first thing that a weed does is that it deems itself unsightly. The only problem with that is the fact that some people are so clever in their deceit and deception that they disguise themselves as our friends, learn as much as they can about us and then they use what they know to hurt us. How can you tell an unsightly weed in your life? They are always depressed. Nothing can make them happy not even realizing the goodness of the Lord in the lives of other people. They walk in darkness not wanting to see the light, they lurk in our shadows waiting to attack. Second, they limit the growth of other plants. When we continue to let the 'weeds' remain active in lives they begin to limit our spiritual growth. They make us so bogged down with the negativity of life and not the positive things that God is working out. They block our blessings as well as their own. Who wants that type of person in their life? For some reason though we continue to let them stay and latch on to us even when we know they are taking all that we have, our spiritual energy, our physical energy, and our emotional energy. We do this because we are human and we want the best for everyone, we use the excuse 'they will change,' but in all actuality it is not them that changes it is us. We began to die, and the weed begins to take over, pretty soon the plant or person that we were is tainted and struggling for life. How do we get out of this situation? First of all, listen to God. When God gives you the discernment that there are weeds in your life, stop trying to hold on to them. YOU CANNOT HELP THEM. Pray for them and ask God to deal with them accordingly.
I had the best conversation with one of my dearest friends today. We talked about so many things, but one of the topics we discussed was the fact that we as individuals have to go through a 'weeding process.' In this particular process God begins to sort out things and people that do not need to be in your life or anywhere near you. He begins to reveal to you people that are out to hurt you or destroy your emotional and spiritual well-being. We all have weeds in our lives, but it is up to us to use the discernment God gives us to kill them before they kill us. How can they kill us you may ask? Well the definition of a weed is a plant that is considered by the user of the term to be a nuisance, and normally applied to unwanted plants in human-made settings such as gardens, lawns or agricultural areas, but also in parks, woods and other natural areas.Weeds may be unwanted because they are unsightly, or they limit the growth of other plants by blocking light or using up nutrients from the soil. They also can harbor and spread plant pathogens that can infect and degrade the quality of crop or horticultural plants. That is the working definition of a weed, but what are the weeds in our lives. The key things about weeds are that they are unsightly, they limit the growth of other plants, and they block the light and use up nutrients from the soil. The first thing that a weed does is that it deems itself unsightly. The only problem with that is the fact that some people are so clever in their deceit and deception that they disguise themselves as our friends, learn as much as they can about us and then they use what they know to hurt us. How can you tell an unsightly weed in your life? They are always depressed. Nothing can make them happy not even realizing the goodness of the Lord in the lives of other people. They walk in darkness not wanting to see the light, they lurk in our shadows waiting to attack. Second, they limit the growth of other plants. When we continue to let the 'weeds' remain active in lives they begin to limit our spiritual growth. They make us so bogged down with the negativity of life and not the positive things that God is working out. They block our blessings as well as their own. Who wants that type of person in their life? For some reason though we continue to let them stay and latch on to us even when we know they are taking all that we have, our spiritual energy, our physical energy, and our emotional energy. We do this because we are human and we want the best for everyone, we use the excuse 'they will change,' but in all actuality it is not them that changes it is us. We began to die, and the weed begins to take over, pretty soon the plant or person that we were is tainted and struggling for life. How do we get out of this situation? First of all, listen to God. When God gives you the discernment that there are weeds in your life, stop trying to hold on to them. YOU CANNOT HELP THEM. Pray for them and ask God to deal with them accordingly.
God is Still Faithful
I haven't blogged in a while because I've been so busy at work and trying to go to school, and still manage to be mom and sleep, but I thought I would share just how good God is with you all one more time....
Have you ever just had one of those days when you think nothing else could possibly go wrong? Well last friday was definitely one of those for me, but God is still faithful. Lol that has been my stepping stone, my water when I'm thirsty, my bread when I am hungry, my hand to dry my tears, my peace to calm my fears, my friend when I'm alone...you get the point..God is still faithful...Okay so back to what I was saying. It's amazing how God will place people in our lives just when we need them most. Well it started out as a typical morning for me, you know the usual wake up get my son ready for school and that drama, well I got him to school and was talking to his teacher at daycare for the longest then I realized the time and was like 'I gotta run.' It was about ten til eight I had to go to class at ten and I was trying to make a few stops before I had to get to class, so I hugged my little one and walked out the door to my car to pull on the handle and realize that my door was locked. NOOOO...my first response was ok this is not happening so I walked around and checked all the other locks and what do you know they were ALL LOCKED. At this point I'm borderline freaking out because I have a spare, but it was in my purse that I never carry...in my car. My next thought was to call pop-a-lock and then I remember that they charge and I only has seven dollars to my name...Grrrr. by this time I was ready to cry. I walked back inside and tried to call my baby's father hoping he could come pick me up and at least take me to school but he didn't answer. I tried calling another friend but they couldn't help either what I didn't do was pray...first mistake. Well my ghetto, hood side kicked in and I decided to try to pop my own lock with a wire clothes hanger...wow I know. Another one of the parents from the daycare stayed outside with me and tried to help. We began talking as I was trying to pop my lock, I got pretty darn close too mind you except this was one of those new school hangers not the old school rough hangers so it really wasn't working. I just began telling her how I was so frustrated with everything, and that it seems like the harder I try the harder things get. She quickly reminded me that God sometimes has to test our faith, while repeating to herself Lord help her. I was still getting upset and about ready to give up, and then a cop car passed by. In my heart I wish he would have stopped, but he didn't...again I didn't pray. About five minutes after still fumbling with this raggedy clothes hanger on the verge of tears I turn around and the cop was pulling in the parking lot. Thank you Jesus I thought. He of course asked the obvious 'you lock your keys in your car?' I wanted to say 'no I just like getting in my car the hard way' but I didnt. So he told us he had someone coming. Not long after a wrecked showed up. The lady looked at the cop and asked 'don't they charge?' The cop replied 'not this one' and he popped my lock in about a half a second. I was irritated cause I spent twenty minutes trying with no success to do what he did in a millisecond, but I was overjoyed. I turned back to the lady who stayed with me the whole time and she smiled at me and said 'see God is good' She hugged me and told me to hang in there God was going to take care of me. I of course started crying, and she also told me that she had been praying the whole time..she was a preacher's wife. Look at God!!! Even in my time of distress He knew how to place someone there that would remind me that He is still God, and He can do all things. I thanked her dried my tears and left. I made my few stops and began my journey to school. I was below the empty line, but I was going to try to make it to school anyway. I got almost to the Almeda exit on 610 when my car began to stall...AAaaaah...Luckily I hadnt passed the exit or wasn't in between exits. I coasted off the exit ramp and made it all the way to the gas station before my car completely cut off...Thank you God. I put my little seven dollars in the tank. Hey it was all I had, and I thanked God for letting me get that far.What a day! Not to mention I still had to go to both of my jobs!! I could have been completely upset at this whole ordeal, but I am actually thankful. Once again God showed me that He is God and that He can do whatever He wants to, when He wants to, How He wants to. It also showed me that I have a tremendous amount of favor with Him. I can't lie and say that I don't get frustrated with what He is doing because I do, but it is in those times that I have to stop and look at the whole picture. That could've ended differently. I could had to figure out how to get money to pay someone to pop my lock, or ran out of gas in the middle of two exits, but I didn't. We have to learn to thank God even when it seems like things are going downhill because those are the times that He is testing our faith and trust in Him. This showed me that I need to trust Him more and not doubt His word. He is Jehovah Jirah and I'm a living witness of it. There is none like Him. Trust Him at His word, believe that He will do just what He says, and you too will have no hesitation saying "God is STILL faithful
Ant-Bee
The Ant and The Bee
As I was sitting at the bus stop alone this morning God allowed me to witness a struggle that I realize at one time or another I have found myself in. I was just sitting waiting there watching the cars speed by beginning to become impatient waiting on the bus and a random car stopped. A guy whom I had never seen before was trying to get my phone number. In my mind, I was saying to myself "can a sista get a ride to church?" I let him down as quickly and nicely as possible and walked back to the bench to continue to wait on the bus. As I was walking, back to the seating area I noticed something fuzzy and yellow on my pant leg. It was a bee. How long had it been there who knows, but it was just there and as we tend to do so many times to people, I brushed it off. Not only did I not want to get stung but also it really did not match my outfit. Anyway, for some reason my attention stayed on this bee. Why? I cannot say, but it did. After I brushed him off I realized that something was wrong with him, it did not fly away, instead it just limped on the ground. Remember I did not swat him hard for fear of being stung I just brushed him off. After a while, this one little ant began to attack this bee. It is funny because that is exactly what Satan does to us when we are down. He does not care how big we think we are he still attacks with full force. The ant was relentless in his attack, but the bee continued to shake his legs with all his might to get the ant to release him. After a while of struggle the ant finally released him, but not for long. He knew that the bee was weak and decided to attack him again. (If you pay attention to your life the same thing happens, Satan will attack and release us, but he will resume attack while we are at our weakest and if we aren't prepared and armored with the Word of God he will succeed). This time the ant's attack on the bee was even more vicious than before, but this was not the best part, another ant joined in on the attack. How many times have you found yourself in a struggle for our life just to be attacked repeatedly, seemingly seeing no help in sight/. Has Satan ever attacked you when you were weak his aim being to devour your very being? In this case where were the bee's friends? Where was his family? He was alone, but he refused to die, and eventually shook off both of the ants from their death grip. I’m trying to tell you that we need to refuse to die, we need to refuse to let the enemy destroy the purpose and the plan that God has for our lives. God promises us hope and a future, but I digress..My bus arrived shortly after this, so I do not know the outcome, but I can infer that one of two things happened. He either gave up and let the ants take his life because he did not wish to fight anymore, or he continued to fight escaping death. How often do we give up? Give up instead of continuing to fight...why do we give up? is it because it's easier than fighting? Why when God promises to fight all of our battles, do we give up? All we have to do is call on the mighty name of Jesus and TRUST that He is going to deliver us. He is true to His word; we just have to TRUST Him. I hope that the bee lived because what a wonderful testimony of God's faithfulness and greatness. He is Sovereign and He reigns supreme. How often do we cry out to God asking for His help BELIEVING He will rescue us? It's one thing to call on Him, but another to call on Him and BELIEVE Him. On the bus I realized that I have been at one time or another both the ant and the bee. Wanting to give up and die like the bee, yet at other times fighting until the very end, and standing on the promises of God. The promise that we are more than conquerors. My final thought was that by me being so scared of being "stung" I attributed to the outcome of the struggle. Here is a bee barely hanging on, clinging to the only thing left to sustain his life, me, and I brush him off sentencing him to death, sealing his fate, but then again I had to realize that maybe it was a lesson that God intended for the bee. Maybe he intended for the bee to learn how to stand on his own when no one was there to stand with him for fear of being hurt or just honestly not knowing and being completely oblivious to what was really going on. We need to realize (I had to realize) that it is not always meant for people to step in regardless of how close they may be to us, some things we must learn on our own. Sometimes it may "sting" but it is what we do in those times that determine our outcome. Who are you? Are you the bee or the ant? Do you kick people when they are down and invite your friends to join you? In Proverbs, it says "A friend loves at all times, but a brother is born for adversity." Are you able to shake off the seemingly impossible? Remember, with God all things are possible. Not only that but in the book of Isaiah God lets us know that if we wait on Him… I’ll let you think about that, but it touches my soul to know that all we have to do is wait on God and He will restore us, so don't give up with the fight gets tough because God has already promised a victory.
As I was sitting at the bus stop alone this morning God allowed me to witness a struggle that I realize at one time or another I have found myself in. I was just sitting waiting there watching the cars speed by beginning to become impatient waiting on the bus and a random car stopped. A guy whom I had never seen before was trying to get my phone number. In my mind, I was saying to myself "can a sista get a ride to church?" I let him down as quickly and nicely as possible and walked back to the bench to continue to wait on the bus. As I was walking, back to the seating area I noticed something fuzzy and yellow on my pant leg. It was a bee. How long had it been there who knows, but it was just there and as we tend to do so many times to people, I brushed it off. Not only did I not want to get stung but also it really did not match my outfit. Anyway, for some reason my attention stayed on this bee. Why? I cannot say, but it did. After I brushed him off I realized that something was wrong with him, it did not fly away, instead it just limped on the ground. Remember I did not swat him hard for fear of being stung I just brushed him off. After a while, this one little ant began to attack this bee. It is funny because that is exactly what Satan does to us when we are down. He does not care how big we think we are he still attacks with full force. The ant was relentless in his attack, but the bee continued to shake his legs with all his might to get the ant to release him. After a while of struggle the ant finally released him, but not for long. He knew that the bee was weak and decided to attack him again. (If you pay attention to your life the same thing happens, Satan will attack and release us, but he will resume attack while we are at our weakest and if we aren't prepared and armored with the Word of God he will succeed). This time the ant's attack on the bee was even more vicious than before, but this was not the best part, another ant joined in on the attack. How many times have you found yourself in a struggle for our life just to be attacked repeatedly, seemingly seeing no help in sight/. Has Satan ever attacked you when you were weak his aim being to devour your very being? In this case where were the bee's friends? Where was his family? He was alone, but he refused to die, and eventually shook off both of the ants from their death grip. I’m trying to tell you that we need to refuse to die, we need to refuse to let the enemy destroy the purpose and the plan that God has for our lives. God promises us hope and a future, but I digress..My bus arrived shortly after this, so I do not know the outcome, but I can infer that one of two things happened. He either gave up and let the ants take his life because he did not wish to fight anymore, or he continued to fight escaping death. How often do we give up? Give up instead of continuing to fight...why do we give up? is it because it's easier than fighting? Why when God promises to fight all of our battles, do we give up? All we have to do is call on the mighty name of Jesus and TRUST that He is going to deliver us. He is true to His word; we just have to TRUST Him. I hope that the bee lived because what a wonderful testimony of God's faithfulness and greatness. He is Sovereign and He reigns supreme. How often do we cry out to God asking for His help BELIEVING He will rescue us? It's one thing to call on Him, but another to call on Him and BELIEVE Him. On the bus I realized that I have been at one time or another both the ant and the bee. Wanting to give up and die like the bee, yet at other times fighting until the very end, and standing on the promises of God. The promise that we are more than conquerors. My final thought was that by me being so scared of being "stung" I attributed to the outcome of the struggle. Here is a bee barely hanging on, clinging to the only thing left to sustain his life, me, and I brush him off sentencing him to death, sealing his fate, but then again I had to realize that maybe it was a lesson that God intended for the bee. Maybe he intended for the bee to learn how to stand on his own when no one was there to stand with him for fear of being hurt or just honestly not knowing and being completely oblivious to what was really going on. We need to realize (I had to realize) that it is not always meant for people to step in regardless of how close they may be to us, some things we must learn on our own. Sometimes it may "sting" but it is what we do in those times that determine our outcome. Who are you? Are you the bee or the ant? Do you kick people when they are down and invite your friends to join you? In Proverbs, it says "A friend loves at all times, but a brother is born for adversity." Are you able to shake off the seemingly impossible? Remember, with God all things are possible. Not only that but in the book of Isaiah God lets us know that if we wait on Him… I’ll let you think about that, but it touches my soul to know that all we have to do is wait on God and He will restore us, so don't give up with the fight gets tough because God has already promised a victory.
A Lesson in Gentleness: All I Have to Give
All I have to Give: A lesson in Gentleness
Okay so this is another experience that I had during the time I was without my car. This was written on 11/30/07 . It actually happened to be the day after my son’s second birthday.
It is interesting how many different life lessons and life applications I have learned while riding the bus. God has a reason and purpose for all He does and He keeps revealing that through my writings. Yesterday as I as walking down Blodgett to catch the bus with Jeremiah on my hip I began to notice a young rottweiler following us. At first, he kept his distance, but after a while, he was almost in stride with us. My baby who just turned two was not the least bit thrilled with this animal and tried his very best to climb up my shirt, repeatedly saying “scary or scare me”(he’s two I couldn’t understand). I tried to assure him that it was ok and that I was not going to let anything happen to him. Being his mother, I have the responsibility of being his protector. I began to wonder why this puppy/dog was following us, and then I remembered that in my hand I was carrying a bag of Doritos. Now for me this occurrence was a replay of my past. I remember being young child in Houston
- How eager are we to follow the unknown in order to be fed?
- When do we finally learn the importance of gentleness and kindness as related to the needs of others?
- How often are we willing to give all we have to give even when WE think that it will not benefit the other person?
Sometimes what we think is not beneficial for a person is the very thing that they may need to survive. So next time and every time you get the opportunity, be kind, lend a smile, a hug, or an encouraging word. We may not have a plethora of money, but those gestures that I just mentioned although they may seem small to us may mean the world to someone else.
Not My Time, but God's Time
So many people sit and wonder why am I going through so much strife? How long do I have to struggle? Aren't I doing everything that God wants me to do? Has that ever been you? Have you ever cried only to face more hard times? In these times did you praise God in advance or did you ask "Lord why me?" When you didn’t have the money to pay your rent, did you stress and turn to people and not God? When you were standing at the bus stop did you say thank you Lord for making a way for me to get from point A to B or did you just remain angry and wish you had your car? When you were dealing with the circumstances of life did you label it a circumstance or were you able to accept it as the next building block in your testimony? I have been in each one of those situations. I even felt that God was punishing me, but it is much more than that. God needs us to pour out of our soul the word of life that He has put inside of us, but how can we do that if we don’t go through trials and tribulations? It is through our trials that we become strong enough to stand up from where we were to move to the place that we need to be. The Bible says that our steps are ordered, so we should be able to rest in the fact that God is only taking us through things to prepare us for something better. I stayed in a messed up relationship for far too long, only hurting myself and putting at risk the lives that I should be touching, but God! God has a way of opening our eyes IF we are ready to trust Him. I was trusting money, security, sex, and even drugs and alcohol instead of trusting my God. Singing His praises on Sunday only to be out drinking heavily by the end of the week, but God shook some things up. Not in my time, but His time. He let me stay right where I was. Crying and pleading for His help until I was ready to move, and then when I thought I was ready He reminded me "Not in your time, but Mine" Has that ever cut you up inside? We want to do things on our own agenda and not God's, but He has a way of bringing us back to earth. "Not in your time, but Mine" I believe in a divine purpose for everything. Had I gotten out sooner I wouldn’t have truly realized just how graceful and merciful God truly is. I would not have appreciated my life and its value. God is calling us higher, but we have to be ready to move when it's time. I learned from my ordeal that I was ungrateful to those who tried to help me. Being so used to "thinking" I was doing things by my own strength had me on a high horse thinking I needed no help, and not wanting to ask for help, but God has a way of breaking us down to nothing, and it's at that place of brokenness that He is able to do His best work. His strength is made perfect in our weakness... My rent got paid more than once and it was not by my strength. I didn’t even have the means to put food on my table. Brokenness. My ex and I lived apart, but I still longed for that security. God said "NO" The security I thought I had I had in the wrong place. God reminded me that it is through Him that all things are possible, that He was my security and not man. When I started to look at the ex as my way to pay my rent and support myself and my son, God quickly reminded me that He giveth and He taketh away...and He does things so expeditiously that we don’t have time to come up with a back up plan. Why? Because He has the ultimate plan. He is the back up plan. He is plan A B C D and E if we allow him to be. It's such a different outlook when we remove self from the picture. You start seeing people doing and saying the very same things that they condemned you for. People begin to need you, but when you needed them they weren’t there or they didn’t appreciate you. Seasoned folk say "you don’t miss what you had until it's gone" The ex called to once to tell me he was sorry, and the truth about what I meant to him after we had moved on. He talked about times that I was there for him and times he was glad I saved him from himself, times I picked him up when he couldn’t get up, and I thank God that I was those things, but God was telling me my time was done. It was His time now. I had done and fulfilled my purpose, learned my lesson, and that it was now time to let Him be God. I couldn’t keep holding on to the very thing that God was saying "let go" of. Obedience is key in keeping His commands and lining up with His will. I'm not saying God made me stay in the relationship for four years because I don't believe that. I know that I didn't trust Him enough to leave....I remember the rides down 290, incidents at home, his job, and I'm thankful for God's covering, protection, and will for my life. I used to wonder about my relationships with certain people, but after this ordeal I learned that we have to touch lives, but we have to know when to let people go as well. If we hold on to people and things when God is saying "let go" we not only hinder our growth, but theirs as well. Not to mention we miss out on blessings that God has for us.
God makes everything beautiful in time. I realize that I was once just a seed cast into thorns, but I now realize what a beautiful rose and strong woman I am meant to be.
God makes everything beautiful in time. I realize that I was once just a seed cast into thorns, but I now realize what a beautiful rose and strong woman I am meant to be.
Untitled
Another untitled journal piece that was written sometime in 2008....
I love growing through(Luv ya Gab) things. And yes I spelled that right. A while back I would have said going through, but I'm at a place in my life that I know that each test that I face is only a stepping stone, and building block in my testimony. I'm GROWING through alot right now, so please do like the song on my page says and "cover me" in your prayers as I will continue to pray for myself. It's taken a while but I have come to the point in this trial that I know that I have to stop running from God and run to him. I have been neglecting that fact that I have been given a gift of writing and God had ever so gently reminded me of it. When I begin to run I promise it's seems like there is a three-hundred pound monkey on my back, and the only way I can get it off is if I turn around. What do you desire from me Lord? I asked that question out loud to myself on the way to work this morning as I sat in traffic...It took me a minute and I just had to start praising and thanking God for the things that I have been through...not going through but the things that I have been through because I know that it is because of His grace and mercy that I am still able to grow through. I had to be real with myself and God and repent and ask for forgiveness for not exalting Him and going to Him in prayer like I should have been, for not doing His will i.e not going to church, participating in the choir etc. instead I was doing my will and it was getting me nowhere fast. It didn't take the Lord a long time to answer me...I asked Him what He desired and almost immediately He put words on my lips that I knew I had to get down on paper, so again I'm in the process of writing my book-Nature's Song Be prayerful with and for me....The Lord just put something on my heart so I hope it comes out right. I was talking to a friends mother and this is what came of the conversation... Even when I'm tired I will give you praise. Even when my soul is weary I will bless your name for you've given me more than I could ever imagine, Lord you've given me a song to sing and blessed my true and natural passion. Lord I don't know what the end is going to be, nor do I know what lies ahead, but I will stop and thank you daily for you've given me the desire to push ahead. Lord I know that pain I feel in my heart right now it won't last always, but while it's there O God give me strength and see me through, for God I know that in the end all the glory will be unto you. I may see a young girl who looks like me, and she may not know how she'll fare, but my God what a blessing it will be to look at her and say "Sweetheart I've been there" Look at me now though I'm still standing and I don't look like what I've been through, keep your eyes to the hills and I promise neither will you. God is too good for us to complain about the things that we face. There is a prize for us that we can only receive once we finish this race. I have been guilty more than a time or two, of asking God why? or better yet, what do you want me to do? Take the time, stop and listen to what He may be speaking to you, and even when you're tired like me, He still will see you through.....I did not intend to write that in the middle of this, but Praise Him. God Bless, Muriel
The Necessary Tools for Survival: The Leaf Bug
This is part of my "Metro Revelations"-written during a time when my car was out of commission and public transportation was my best friend, but God....
The Leaf Bug
Since majority of my writings have been from bus stop endeavors this one is no different. I was sitting waiting on the bus possibly on my way to praise dance rehearsal when I heard a pretty loud thud behind my head. When I turned around, there was this huge, green bug on the glass. Thankfully, it was on the opposite side than I was because I am deathly afraid of bugs. As boring as it may sound, I was intrigued, probably scared, so I just sat and watched this creature. I turned away for a split second and when I looked back it was gone. It took all of five minutes for me to find it, but I noticed it had found it's way into the grass. It blended in so well that it was hardly visible. Immediately the song "Safety" came to mind which is based on Psalm 91. God is our protector, He hides us in the safety of His arms...Had the bug stayed on the glass or crawled onto the side I was on and my desire was to kill him, I could have, but he was hidden until he could think of his next move...Hallelujah-just thinking of that-reminds me that God is so awesome..How many times has God hidden us, kept us from danger from outsiders and from ourselves. Glory be to God.
The second revelation I got was from the bug's appearance...When I first saw the bug, I surmised that it was ugly, but we need to stop judging appearances. The bug wasn't ugly in God's sight. He was beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made. It was perfect. God makes no mistakes, we do, but God is perfect. I also realized that like the bug blended into the grass we also need to blend, we need to stop trying to be the center of everything including our situations especially when God just wants us to be still right where we are, in the place that He has so cautiously ordered us to be. God doesn't always put us in the limelight. Sometimes he just puts us in a place where we blend in and are not readily seen so that we can see what others are missing...
The Leaf Bug
Since majority of my writings have been from bus stop endeavors this one is no different. I was sitting waiting on the bus possibly on my way to praise dance rehearsal when I heard a pretty loud thud behind my head. When I turned around, there was this huge, green bug on the glass. Thankfully, it was on the opposite side than I was because I am deathly afraid of bugs. As boring as it may sound, I was intrigued, probably scared, so I just sat and watched this creature. I turned away for a split second and when I looked back it was gone. It took all of five minutes for me to find it, but I noticed it had found it's way into the grass. It blended in so well that it was hardly visible. Immediately the song "Safety" came to mind which is based on Psalm 91. God is our protector, He hides us in the safety of His arms...Had the bug stayed on the glass or crawled onto the side I was on and my desire was to kill him, I could have, but he was hidden until he could think of his next move...Hallelujah-just thinking of that-reminds me that God is so awesome..How many times has God hidden us, kept us from danger from outsiders and from ourselves. Glory be to God.
The second revelation I got was from the bug's appearance...When I first saw the bug, I surmised that it was ugly, but we need to stop judging appearances. The bug wasn't ugly in God's sight. He was beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made. It was perfect. God makes no mistakes, we do, but God is perfect. I also realized that like the bug blended into the grass we also need to blend, we need to stop trying to be the center of everything including our situations especially when God just wants us to be still right where we are, in the place that He has so cautiously ordered us to be. God doesn't always put us in the limelight. Sometimes he just puts us in a place where we blend in and are not readily seen so that we can see what others are missing...
Wait on the Lord
I wrote this on 5/9/08 and coincidentally it almost tied in with the sermon that I heard on Sunday, and not only that, it also gave me a revelation and consolation about some things that were about to happen in my life.......:
If you're like me you may have a hard time waiting for God to speak. And we He does speak it's like we almost bend God's will to make it compliment ours when in all actuality if we just WAIT His Will will do so much more than compliment ours. (Thanks for the subject point Gab) You see patience and time go hand in hand. We must be PATIENT until God says it is our TIME.
Again, if you are like me you've listened to the song by Donald Lawrence 'seasons' and proclaimed "This is MY season" but when things get rough and the calm pleasantries that you are used to become turbulent and you are being tossed seemingly through a never-ending Spirit draining, fight for your life you begin to question God, "but God I thought this was MY season?" Well maybe YOU decided it was your season and it wasn't or then again maybe it was. Who says that the seasons we go through in life are always going to be easy-going, care-free and beautiful? If you recall there are four seasons; Spring, summer, fall, and winter. Before I say anything else, do note that spring only comes after winter. The seasons never change in order; there is a process that they go through before each one is completed. Ok with that said, Think of Spring as new beginnings, learning of new things, it may be easy, but then there is a transition into summer. The weather now begins to get a little warmer, and by the end it is blazing like an inferno. The calm easy things are now getting bit harder, you may now be the peak of your career, and things are at full bloom in your life, your relationships are great, children are acting alright, but just when everything is at its peak, fall rears its head from around the corner. Fall comes in with no regards for what is happening in your life, and things may begin to do just what its name proclaims, fall. Relationships go down hill, finances become strained, the children act up, and you may enter as we do inTexas
man that is good. Therefore, we are going to go through those rainy seasons, but God is going to not only go through them with us, but bring us out as well. There is no time limit on how long you will stay in this season as God has a purpose and a plan, but that does not mean that it is not your season. Let the fall be a stepping-stone, because after fall comes the harshest season of all for some people, winter. I think that many of us are stuck in either our fall or our winter seasons. We are stuck in the fall because we do not want to let go of people and things. They become the leaves on our trees that have run their course. We try to make them hold on to our branches a little while longer, but God does not have the same agenda because in the winter the leaves must die. We we do not or better yet are afraid to let things die. We don't want to let go of the 'leaves' on our trees which may be jobs, people, situations etc., but do you realize that God is telling us to let go of those things LET THEM DIE, so that we con move on back into our Spring, and our new beginning. To the place where the things that died in the winter are replaced or grow back even better than before...This may get a bit hard to swallow, but as I'm typing I'm realizing that God gave this revelation of what was to come two days before it happened, and then gave me a sermon to back it up, He was preparing me to let some people fall off of my tree...Hallelujah! Ok sorry, had a moment...Not only do we sometimes get stuck in our seasons, but sometimes we try to rush through our seasons because it gets too hot, or it is too cold, and our trees seem barren, but it is in those times that God wants us to be PATIENT and WAIT on Him. One of my favorite scriptures in the bible reads, "I waited patiently on the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry, He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. "Psalm 40:1-3. If that is not my testimony then I do not know what is. If you know me, you know where I was almost a year ago, and where I am now. Look at God!! Now there are key terms in that passage, read it again if you missed it, but not only does it say WAIT, but it says "I WAITED PATIENTLY" I said that PATIENCE and TIME went together. I now realize that if I had just embraced my winter season and let my leaves die earlier that my spring would have soon followed. I know we have all been there getting impatient waiting on God, but His promises for our lives are worth the wait.
To be completely honest I probably should have been dead a long time ago, but God. God allowed me another chance that is why I praise Him for all that He has done. I used to hold in my praise, but Isaiah 40:3 says He put a new song in my mouth and He did. I no longer worry about what people say or how they look at me when I cry or shout to the Lord, because I know what He has brought me through. God allowed me to stay in my wintry season and it was harsh, it was so harsh that I had no choice, but to let my leaves die, and trust Him or risk my life trying to save leaves that were going to die anyway. I do not know whom I am talking to, but somebody knows what I am taking about. Do not sit around and miss your blessing and your breakthrough trying to stay in 'my season' when it is not just one season that we face. I do not know about you, but I know a God that can calm a raging sea, so you tell me He cannot safely get you through your storm. You cannot tell me that He does not save. Think about where you were three years before you knew Christ, aren't you glad you met Him? Where you are now is not where you were when you met Him, you cannot tell me you want to go back to not knowing Him. You cannot tell me that He cannot make a way out of no way. About a year ago, I did not think that I could move from my dead situation, but look where I am now. You are looking at a miracle. You cannot tell me that God is not a keeper. When the enemy tried to attack my mind just a few days ago, God had already given me a word to comfort me. It still hurt at the time, but I am still in my right mind. When the enemy tried to take my life, and strangle the very life and breath out of me, I called on the name of Jesus and just like the word says Demons began to flee, and I was kept one more time. All you have to do is call on that name. I called on his name and in the middle of my coldest season He plucked me out right before the enemy could take my life and said, "Now it's your time" You're looking at someone who knows what it's like to have a broken heart, but just let Him mend it. (I am glad God gave me this when He did, I didn't even know the power this had on my life when I wrote it on 5/9). Somebody besides me needs to hear this. I have been through that rainy season and for me it was crying all night long, but the word promises that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. You cannot tell me what God can't do, just hold on and wait for your morning. Our God is so awesome; He is a saving God, a forgiving God. That is how I am able to forgive so easily, where would I be if God did not forgive me? God is all-powerful. Stop holding on so tight to the things that God is taking away from you, because He is not going to take you away from something and not give you something better. Does it hurt? Yes sometimes it does, sometimes it hurts so bad we feel like we cannot make it, but God is holding you, He is holding me. Another scripture says that "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up their wings as eagle, they shall run and not get weary, they shall walk and not faint...the key is WAIT, We get so anxious to get out of our season that we end up chasing dreams and things that are not for us. This was not even part of this, but it just came to me as I was typing...Thank you God. We get so caught up wanting to get ahead of someone or something in our lives and we fail to see that what we are trying to force ourselves into may consequently cause harm or anguish to someone or something else in our lives. A great example of this happened the day I wrote this. I was on my way to work and I was exiting 610 going around the loop and this truck with a tractor attached just had to get into my lane knowing that there was no space for him, I had two choices I could either speed up, which I knew I couldn't pass him, or I could slow down to prevent him from hitting me. I slowed down. It was not worth the sacrifice of my car or my life. Sometimes people move into our lanes without our permission and without enough room, but it is up to us to decide how we deal with that. I could have been angry with him for jeopardizing my car and my life, or I could let it go and continue on my journey forgiving and being patient. I guess the last thing that I want to say is just embrace your season don't get so caught up with the season that your friend is in and start chasing things that are not for you because that only makes it harder. Don't miss the growing opportunities of your seasons, they might not all be easy, but in the end it is worth the wait. Keep the faith knowing that God loves you too much to let anything happen to you that is not in his will. Just walk with Him, and talk with Him, He will see you through. The end of that Donald Lawrence song says, "The WAIT is over, it's your TIME" Listen for that but let it be God that decides it and not you. Patience and Time go hand in hand...just WAIT. God Bless Muriel
If you're like me you may have a hard time waiting for God to speak. And we He does speak it's like we almost bend God's will to make it compliment ours when in all actuality if we just WAIT His Will will do so much more than compliment ours. (Thanks for the subject point Gab) You see patience and time go hand in hand. We must be PATIENT until God says it is our TIME.
Again, if you are like me you've listened to the song by Donald Lawrence 'seasons' and proclaimed "This is MY season" but when things get rough and the calm pleasantries that you are used to become turbulent and you are being tossed seemingly through a never-ending Spirit draining, fight for your life you begin to question God, "but God I thought this was MY season?" Well maybe YOU decided it was your season and it wasn't or then again maybe it was. Who says that the seasons we go through in life are always going to be easy-going, care-free and beautiful? If you recall there are four seasons; Spring, summer, fall, and winter. Before I say anything else, do note that spring only comes after winter. The seasons never change in order; there is a process that they go through before each one is completed. Ok with that said, Think of Spring as new beginnings, learning of new things, it may be easy, but then there is a transition into summer. The weather now begins to get a little warmer, and by the end it is blazing like an inferno. The calm easy things are now getting bit harder, you may now be the peak of your career, and things are at full bloom in your life, your relationships are great, children are acting alright, but just when everything is at its peak, fall rears its head from around the corner. Fall comes in with no regards for what is happening in your life, and things may begin to do just what its name proclaims, fall. Relationships go down hill, finances become strained, the children act up, and you may enter as we do in
man that is good. Therefore, we are going to go through those rainy seasons, but God is going to not only go through them with us, but bring us out as well. There is no time limit on how long you will stay in this season as God has a purpose and a plan, but that does not mean that it is not your season. Let the fall be a stepping-stone, because after fall comes the harshest season of all for some people, winter. I think that many of us are stuck in either our fall or our winter seasons. We are stuck in the fall because we do not want to let go of people and things. They become the leaves on our trees that have run their course. We try to make them hold on to our branches a little while longer, but God does not have the same agenda because in the winter the leaves must die. We we do not or better yet are afraid to let things die. We don't want to let go of the 'leaves' on our trees which may be jobs, people, situations etc., but do you realize that God is telling us to let go of those things LET THEM DIE, so that we con move on back into our Spring, and our new beginning. To the place where the things that died in the winter are replaced or grow back even better than before...This may get a bit hard to swallow, but as I'm typing I'm realizing that God gave this revelation of what was to come two days before it happened, and then gave me a sermon to back it up, He was preparing me to let some people fall off of my tree...Hallelujah! Ok sorry, had a moment...Not only do we sometimes get stuck in our seasons, but sometimes we try to rush through our seasons because it gets too hot, or it is too cold, and our trees seem barren, but it is in those times that God wants us to be PATIENT and WAIT on Him. One of my favorite scriptures in the bible reads, "I waited patiently on the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry, He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. "Psalm 40:1-3. If that is not my testimony then I do not know what is. If you know me, you know where I was almost a year ago, and where I am now. Look at God!! Now there are key terms in that passage, read it again if you missed it, but not only does it say WAIT, but it says "I WAITED PATIENTLY" I said that PATIENCE and TIME went together. I now realize that if I had just embraced my winter season and let my leaves die earlier that my spring would have soon followed. I know we have all been there getting impatient waiting on God, but His promises for our lives are worth the wait.
To be completely honest I probably should have been dead a long time ago, but God. God allowed me another chance that is why I praise Him for all that He has done. I used to hold in my praise, but Isaiah 40:3 says He put a new song in my mouth and He did. I no longer worry about what people say or how they look at me when I cry or shout to the Lord, because I know what He has brought me through. God allowed me to stay in my wintry season and it was harsh, it was so harsh that I had no choice, but to let my leaves die, and trust Him or risk my life trying to save leaves that were going to die anyway. I do not know whom I am talking to, but somebody knows what I am taking about. Do not sit around and miss your blessing and your breakthrough trying to stay in 'my season' when it is not just one season that we face. I do not know about you, but I know a God that can calm a raging sea, so you tell me He cannot safely get you through your storm. You cannot tell me that He does not save. Think about where you were three years before you knew Christ, aren't you glad you met Him? Where you are now is not where you were when you met Him, you cannot tell me you want to go back to not knowing Him. You cannot tell me that He cannot make a way out of no way. About a year ago, I did not think that I could move from my dead situation, but look where I am now. You are looking at a miracle. You cannot tell me that God is not a keeper. When the enemy tried to attack my mind just a few days ago, God had already given me a word to comfort me. It still hurt at the time, but I am still in my right mind. When the enemy tried to take my life, and strangle the very life and breath out of me, I called on the name of Jesus and just like the word says Demons began to flee, and I was kept one more time. All you have to do is call on that name. I called on his name and in the middle of my coldest season He plucked me out right before the enemy could take my life and said, "Now it's your time" You're looking at someone who knows what it's like to have a broken heart, but just let Him mend it. (I am glad God gave me this when He did, I didn't even know the power this had on my life when I wrote it on 5/9). Somebody besides me needs to hear this. I have been through that rainy season and for me it was crying all night long, but the word promises that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. You cannot tell me what God can't do, just hold on and wait for your morning. Our God is so awesome; He is a saving God, a forgiving God. That is how I am able to forgive so easily, where would I be if God did not forgive me? God is all-powerful. Stop holding on so tight to the things that God is taking away from you, because He is not going to take you away from something and not give you something better. Does it hurt? Yes sometimes it does, sometimes it hurts so bad we feel like we cannot make it, but God is holding you, He is holding me. Another scripture says that "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up their wings as eagle, they shall run and not get weary, they shall walk and not faint...the key is WAIT, We get so anxious to get out of our season that we end up chasing dreams and things that are not for us. This was not even part of this, but it just came to me as I was typing...Thank you God. We get so caught up wanting to get ahead of someone or something in our lives and we fail to see that what we are trying to force ourselves into may consequently cause harm or anguish to someone or something else in our lives. A great example of this happened the day I wrote this. I was on my way to work and I was exiting 610 going around the loop and this truck with a tractor attached just had to get into my lane knowing that there was no space for him, I had two choices I could either speed up, which I knew I couldn't pass him, or I could slow down to prevent him from hitting me. I slowed down. It was not worth the sacrifice of my car or my life. Sometimes people move into our lanes without our permission and without enough room, but it is up to us to decide how we deal with that. I could have been angry with him for jeopardizing my car and my life, or I could let it go and continue on my journey forgiving and being patient. I guess the last thing that I want to say is just embrace your season don't get so caught up with the season that your friend is in and start chasing things that are not for you because that only makes it harder. Don't miss the growing opportunities of your seasons, they might not all be easy, but in the end it is worth the wait. Keep the faith knowing that God loves you too much to let anything happen to you that is not in his will. Just walk with Him, and talk with Him, He will see you through. The end of that Donald Lawrence song says, "The WAIT is over, it's your TIME" Listen for that but let it be God that decides it and not you. Patience and Time go hand in hand...just WAIT. God Bless Muriel
It Has to Rain
I enjoy nature and the beauty of the things that I see....From 2008
It Has to Rain
I went running on the bayou this morning and God spoke to me in the most beautiful way. This is honestly a continuation of a writing that I am doing entitled "God is trying to get you in shape" but I had to post this one first. This morning I decided to take a different route than the one I had taken yesterday, again I was on a familiar road but an unfamiliar trail. Often in life we begin to get too comfortable with people and things and are afraid to take that unfamiliar road. In my previous writing I state that once God gets you in shape there is no trail or task too hard or unfamiliar because when you're running with Him, He already knows the end, so the unknown becomes unimportant. Anyway since I decided to take this unfamiliar trail I began to run, and I continued to run until the trail I thought I had mapped out for myself eventually ended. I had two choices turn around and go back or continue down a street that I had never before been down to get back to where I needed to be. I decided to run down the foreign street. Like I said in may writing yesterday, once you start running with God and do it consistently the trial gets easier, you can run a bit longer and you know He knows where it ends, so I just kept running. I had my headphones on listening to my gospel mix, I took some food with me today! (I gotta post the other half of this so that you all will understand lol) And I ran. As I was running it was cloudy as if it was going to rain, but I didn't turn around I kept running. Eventually I got to the point where I decided to stop and walk the rest of the way home, I guess as a way of letting all that God had said to me while I was running sink in. I realized that before I began my run my legs were sore. Sometimes it is a little uncomfortable when we begin our runs with God, but my the end the pain is almost non-existent. I realized today that I had run double if not triple what I ran the day before, and I was excited. Then something began to happen. It began to drizzle. Now I wasn't but about a quarter mile from my house, I could even see the entrance gate, but it began to drizzle. I could have begin running again, but the Lord said just "walk through it" So I did after awhile it began to rain a little harder the drizzle began to hit the ground with even more force, yet and still the Lord said walk through it. I passed the first entrance gate to my apartment and by now it began to thunder and the rain began to beat down on my back everything in me said 'run' but God said it's ok walk through it, by the time I walked through the gate to my apartment it was raining so hard that I could barely see, and that's when God spoke to me clearest, it's almost if He just screamed at me "Sometimes it has to rain, and the rain is going to get harder the closer you get to your destination, but just walk through it." Not only was that a word for me the song on my IPOD at that particular time was "Perfect Peace" Isn't God good? I had to stop for a moment and thank God for that word. I stood under the carport for a minute and just gave Him praise, and then I had to go get my purse out of my trunk that was not under a carport, I had to go back into the rain, but it was not for long. I finally got to my door and as I was walking to my door the maintenance worker that was cleaning the pool was running for shelter by my stairwell, I just smiled. We've gotta realize that it has to rain. We have to stop running through it and let it fall fresh on us. Let it cleanse us. Just like it quenches the thirsting Earth it can cleanse our soul. It has to rain. If it didn't rain we wouldn't have the opportunity to be refreshed. We wouldn't have the opportunity to experience being in a place that only God can speak to us. When it's raining in your life, do you seek His face or run for cover? Do you know when the rain begins to pour it only means that you are getting closer to your destination? And guess what I've only been inside for about ten minutes now, and it's no longer raining, but the sun is shining as if the rain never came. Your rain won't last forever. Whether it be relationships, finances, friends, situations you can't seem to let go of, they won't last forever. Just like the rain cleanses the Earth, God will renew and refresh your spirit. It has to rain. Love M
The Road Ahead
I tend to write more than poetry...I use nature and the beauty of the earth as my muse and whatever comes of it I use...I wrote this driving to school, literally. :-)
The Road Ahead
The most beautiful things happen to me. This morning as T was driving to school it was a normal Tuesday morning. Traffic was flowing as usual and for no reason at all I just decided to look up at the sky. The most beautiful sight graced my eyes. The clouds were unrelentingly thick, yet the sun still shone brightly through the crevices. Immediately I though of God. I thought of God being the rays of light in my life. I thought about the fact that he promised to be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. The problem is we choose not to let Him. I then began to reminisce about times I could remember God trying to force His way into my life, yet I refused to let Him, but like the rays of sun I saw that morning, God never gives up on us. He continues to push through the mess and the circumstances in our lives, being the light in the darkness; letting us know that He is still there though we may feel as if we dont need Him. So many times we allow the problems and situations of life and even people cloud our walk with God and we make the crevice for His divine manifestation so narrow that it seems He can only peek through. We hinder our breakthroughs by holding on to pain, concerns and feelings, but He is still there when we are ready to let go of those things. I continued to drive and after a while for no really good reason I looked at my hands holding the steering wheel, and then focused my attention on the fact that my whole car was filled with light. I looked up again at the sky and what was once almost completely dark and cloudy, was now the most beautiful clear, blue sky that I had seen in some time. The clouds that were so thick earlier were almost completely gone. It's amazing what God can do in our lives if we just just allow Him to break through. When we allow Him to breakthrough our clouds the possibilities are endless. Finances change, relationships change, thoughts and actions change, our lives, change, our walk with Him changes, and it is wonderful, so wonderful.....It didnt end there though upon arriving to school I received another word from the Lord...It happened to be rather chilly, and as always I was rushing and ran out of the house without and jacket and wearing flip flops, but of course I didnt mind too much, I was prepared to rely on the heater in my car. The only problem was I had to get out of the car to walk to class...Don't miss this....I had to leave my comfort zone and go out into the cold which I was unprepared for in order to get where I needed to be. I had to leave my comfort zone...I had to go out into elements that I was unprepared for in order to get to where I needed to be....such a powerful word in that...but anyway believe it or not as I was walking to class I was not as cold as I thought that I would be, and I am a very cold-natured person. It just so happened that the sun was warming my back as I was moving forward on my journey....On the latter the cold was hitting me on my front...Believe it or not this happens in our daily walk with God and in life. When we are moving forward to our destinations and the places that we need to be, Satan and negative forces do all that they can to make us retreat into our comfort zone, but the warmth of God's presence pushes us forward to get us to where we need to be. We must make a decision in life to keep moving forward despite what obstacles face us because when we retreat to our comfort zone, not only are we moving farther away from the place God wants us to be, but we have the wrong forces motivating us and pushing us. As a result, we are no longer in the will of God. When God takes us out of our comfort zones He doesn't leave us alone because He knows the difficulties that await us, but if we can just remember who we have pushing us forward....There is no power greater than His power. No trial too hard for Him to see us through. He is a strong tower. He is... Just think of what He is to you....Think about the times that adversity was trying to push you backwards...trying to make you retreat, but God was gently pushing you forward giving you enough power and strength to keep going! God is amazing!
What's It Like?
I don't remember when I wrote this one either....I need to start putting dates on stuff ;-)
What's it like being on the outside looking in?
What's it like being lost, needing a friend?
What's it like not saying goodbye?
Is it easier to deal with? Do you even cry?
What's it like being alone, In a world full of confusion, strife and the unknown?
How do you deal with a pain so deep, that it's buried in your innermost being?
How does it force it's way out?
What's it like being quiet for so long?
You only outlet has become the solitude you now call home
What's it like to open up?
Just to realize in all actuality you're not so tough and the pain you've buried so deep inside is on the surface, no longer can you hide
What's it like?
Don't tell me what you think I should do
Unless you've been in this situation too
Cause then you don't know what it's like
Remember you were on the outside looking in
Maybe the one I needed when I needed a friend
I don't need you to talk
Just lend me an ear
I know what it's like to live in fear
I know what it may look like on the outside looking in
Life seems so simple or so you think
I can no longer hide under "I'm okay"
Because I'm not no matter what I say
What's it like?
What's it like to know I am sad?
It is a feeling I wish I never had
Can you now comprehend?
Or are you still on the outside looking in?
What's it like?
What's it Like?
What's it like being lost, needing a friend?
What's it like not saying goodbye?
Is it easier to deal with? Do you even cry?
What's it like being alone, In a world full of confusion, strife and the unknown?
How do you deal with a pain so deep, that it's buried in your innermost being?
How does it force it's way out?
What's it like being quiet for so long?
You only outlet has become the solitude you now call home
What's it like to open up?
Just to realize in all actuality you're not so tough and the pain you've buried so deep inside is on the surface, no longer can you hide
What's it like?
Don't tell me what you think I should do
Unless you've been in this situation too
Cause then you don't know what it's like
Remember you were on the outside looking in
Maybe the one I needed when I needed a friend
I don't need you to talk
Just lend me an ear
I know what it's like to live in fear
I know what it may look like on the outside looking in
Life seems so simple or so you think
I can no longer hide under "I'm okay"
Because I'm not no matter what I say
What's it like?
What's it like to know I am sad?
It is a feeling I wish I never had
Can you now comprehend?
Or are you still on the outside looking in?
What's it like?
Untitled
I don't have a title for this one...Nor can I remember when it was written...but I'd say 2009 ish
She walks around with a smile, her head held high
No one knows she's dying inside
Everything is ok, or so she says, but she goes home, the thoughts return,
She really wishes she were dead.
He gets mad; he doesn't use his fist
Yet he manages to leave bruises in places only she knows exist
Nobody sees them, but she does
Is this really what it's like to experience love?
If she only knew this was not love, she needed to take some time and experience real love from her father up above.
Its ok she tells herself; it wont last forever he'll change
Three years later it's still the same, but one thing is different a child bears his name
What is she to do? He is all that she knows, something inside her tells her that she wants more
Then one day she finally realizes that she doesnt love him anymore
All in all four years of this, and she still wont leave
She prays and cries, and endures for a few more menacing months
She started getting high, drinking every night, she's killing herself for a guy that doesn't treat her right
Thoughts of suicide running through her head, but she doesnt stop to think of what her son would do if she were dead
It took some time, finally she made up her mind, it was time to leave the past behind
She decided to let go and it was then that from God the blessings began to flow
From her car to her job to her new place, and finally true love right in front of her face
It's no coincidence,
God was on her side
He heard her every time she cried.
She stopped writing suicide letters to her friends and realized she needed to let her heart mend.
Letting people go was hard to do, but she did it anyway, she had to make it through
Superwoman she can be called, she is a mom, student, athlete, and friend, she does it all
Still walking around standing tall
I'm the girl you know, your sister, your friend
Abuse happened to me, but I refused to let it be my end
Reach out for help if you need to
I promise that someone else has been there before you
Untitled
She walks around with a smile, her head held high
No one knows she's dying inside
Everything is ok, or so she says, but she goes home, the thoughts return,
She really wishes she were dead.
He gets mad; he doesn't use his fist
Yet he manages to leave bruises in places only she knows exist
Nobody sees them, but she does
Is this really what it's like to experience love?
If she only knew this was not love, she needed to take some time and experience real love from her father up above.
Its ok she tells herself; it wont last forever he'll change
Three years later it's still the same, but one thing is different a child bears his name
What is she to do? He is all that she knows, something inside her tells her that she wants more
Then one day she finally realizes that she doesnt love him anymore
All in all four years of this, and she still wont leave
She prays and cries, and endures for a few more menacing months
She started getting high, drinking every night, she's killing herself for a guy that doesn't treat her right
Thoughts of suicide running through her head, but she doesnt stop to think of what her son would do if she were dead
It took some time, finally she made up her mind, it was time to leave the past behind
She decided to let go and it was then that from God the blessings began to flow
From her car to her job to her new place, and finally true love right in front of her face
It's no coincidence,
God was on her side
He heard her every time she cried.
She stopped writing suicide letters to her friends and realized she needed to let her heart mend.
Letting people go was hard to do, but she did it anyway, she had to make it through
Superwoman she can be called, she is a mom, student, athlete, and friend, she does it all
Still walking around standing tall
I'm the girl you know, your sister, your friend
Abuse happened to me, but I refused to let it be my end
Reach out for help if you need to
I promise that someone else has been there before you
Without God
Another poem written in my early days..probably around 2000 as well. I look at this and smile now at the fact that I did not know that God was going to shake things up, break things up, and put them back together. Had I read this throughout the years....As I look at this I realize now that it written to prepare me for life ahead...the pain, the hurt, the blessings
Without God
Everything in life happens for a reason
Sometimes we just don't understand
Things like why our loved ones leave us
Or what's my place in God's plan?
God never puts more on us
Than He knows we can bear
He has a way of placing people in our lives
People who show they care
Everyday when I'm alone
I think of the great things God has done
And I go over the battles in my life
That without God, I wouldn't have won
Without God
Everything in life happens for a reason
Sometimes we just don't understand
Things like why our loved ones leave us
Or what's my place in God's plan?
God never puts more on us
Than He knows we can bear
He has a way of placing people in our lives
People who show they care
Everyday when I'm alone
I think of the great things God has done
And I go over the battles in my life
That without God, I wouldn't have won
God's Plan
This is one of the FIRST pieces that I ever wrote...had I realized earlier in life that writing would become a major part of who I am, I probably would have kept more of the things that I had written. This piece was written 8/23/2000 in my 5th period English class for a friend who was having a hard time dealing with the loss of her grandfather. I changed a line as I realize now I don't like how I wrote it, but hey I was young! Parentheses denote original line
God's Plan
God has a plan for everyone
For our sins He gave His son
You may not have the same as me
For everyone is different can't you see?
One might be filled with happiness and delight
While the other of sadness, uncertainty, and fright
But these are just examples of His love
That He may bestow upon you from above.
But fear not my friend, you must believe
With faith in Him, you will achieve
Through all the things you will go through(All the things you will go through)
Don't ever give up on Him He will always see you through(He will always love you)
Always keep your head up
A friend once told me
Tomorrow is a new beginning
Watch and you will see!
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